Genophobia
by Mister S
Summary: The kind of literature Robin likes, is a totally different world to Luffy. The crew is nervous. Warning: 50 Shades of Gray C:
1. Eery Tick

Luffy was sprawled out on the polished wooden deck, listening to a flock of seagulls call to their mates.

He was bored.

Sure he was bored many, many times before, but that was only because one of his nakama had cured it for him.

First he'd gone to Usopp's room to play with him, but seeing as he was creating a new weird gadget, Usopp shooed Luffy away and went back to building his weird piece of junk.

The rubber boy only had thought that he could wait until Usopp was done, and then they could engage in pranks to pull onto their other crew mates.

That's what Luffy had in mind—until he saw a weird doll-like toy just sitting there on the corner of a table, there to call his name, beckoning the captain to come and play with it.

Once before, Usopp had _specifically _told Luffy to refrain from touching and breaki—no, _destroying—shattering his creations into a thousand pieces._

But that had completely slipped his mind once he started to fiddle with the doll. Giggling like a little girl while turning and twisting it. There was a small red button on the length of the doll's back.

He pressed it.

**BOOOOOOMMMMMMM**

Soot covered every inch of the room, Luffy could see. "Oh... This thing was a bomb! Cool!" Luffy scratched his chin, before hastily throwing the doll's black remains to who-knows-where.

**_"Luuuuuuufffffffyyyyy... You moron!"_** A dark growl sounded from behind him and in less than a moment, Luffy was kicked out onto the deck like the many times before when he went to Sanji, Nami and Franky.

He'd went to Chopper's office/infirmary before and gotten himself dismissed_ rudely,_ and a fuming little reindeer with a blue nose.

Of course, the doctor wouldn't _usually_ do such a rude thing as to kick him out_, _but judging from Chopper's look of fury and grip on his infamous rumble ball, he might've done just that.

He would've played with Brook instead of all of the others, the crazy afro skelly that rocked _hard_... Too bad he was out claiming supplies and to polish his sword in the town they'd docked at.

He'd go outside, too. But the island they'd docked at held a marine headquarter.

He recalled what Nami had said earlier while he complained about being bored.

_'Deal with it, Luffy! Go play with Usopp or something! But don't go out to town, this is the home of a marine HQ, if you show your face around here we're screwed!'_

"Darn it. Usopp's such a party pooper..." He groaned, sitting up, rubbing his head.

He counted on his fingers.

"Sanji.. Nami.. Chopper.. Franky.. Usopp.. Brook.." He tapped on the rubber index and middle finger of his right hand. "Robin and Zoro."

"That's great! 2 more to go.." He looked up at the burning yellow sun and shielded his eyes from the radiating light.

Luffy sighed and leaned back on the Sunny Go's mast before jumping up onto his feet.

"Zoro?" He heard soft snores creeping from the crow's nest.

"Shishishi..." Luffy grinned before pulling back his arm, and shot the stretching limb to the mainmast's nest.

**"_Z_ooooo_OOOOOOOOO_oooo_RoooooooOOOOOO_!"**

**.**

**.**

**.**

Finally getting tired of Zoro's protests, Luffy retracted from his privacy and with new-found bruises, (Yes—_bruises_. On a rubber body.) he stumbled back onto the deck in annoyance.

Even after poking him, punching him (and _that_ did absolutely nothing) or bugging him in any way possible to annoy the shit out of him, it did no good.

He was only rewarded with more '_Go away, Luffy_.' and '_Can't you see I'm sleeping?_'s and eventually got Zoro pissed off enough to have him kick Luffy off the mast to tumble onto the deck below.

"Robin?" He addressed the female archaeologist calmly sitting on a white picnic chair, sipping a purple-painted floral cup of coffee and reading a _book_.

"Yes, Luffy?" Robin replied, setting down her book to stare back into dark brown—chestnut curious eyes.

"What're you doing?" Luffy asked the obvious. He knew, of course, but it was just for the script he formed in his head.

"Reading a book." Robin stated bluntly.

"Oh."

"..."

"..."

Luffy hunched over Robin's figure to read the title of the book.

"What's that?" He asked, squinting.

"This is an erotica." Robin answered.

"What's an eerytick?"

"Erotica," The female archaeologist corrected. She holds up the book. "This is art formed in literature."

"So.. Basically you mean a book? Why do they give different names to the same thing?" Luffy scratched his head.

"Why don't you read it and find out for yourself, Luffy?" Robin held out the book gracefully.

Luffy didn't really want to read a book. It was boring and so.. Inactive. Like chained to one place to stare at some paper.

But he figured that if he refused the gesturing hand right now, he'd regret it later.

"Alright. It sounds fun," Luffy grinned sheepishly and snatched the book. "Woooow! 50 Shades of Gray. So this is what you mean by art!"

Robin nodded before excusing herself and leaving to find some more books from the library.

After Robin left, Luffy sighed. "Awwhhh.. I don't wanna read this.. It's going to be page after page about colors.." He assumed by the title.

"Darn, why is it so thick?!" He picked up a corner of the book with two fingers, pinching the cover.

Several words appeared before him as he mumbled, struggling with the paragraphs.

"I thought this was going to be about explaining colors?" Luffy frowned. Apparently it was _not_ going to be page after page about many shades of colors.

Luffy started to read, from the start.

Robin watched from behind one of Nami's tangerine trees, watching the young captain's confused reactions and twisting expressions while grinning slyly.

He definitely wouldn't regret this.

**_._**

**_._**

**_._**

**"You smell so good.. Yada yada,"** Luffy reads out aloud, rubbing his temple. He flips a few more pages.

For a moment, Robin contains her poker face before letting a small chuckle escape her lips.

Light footsteps are heard tapping against the cedar floorboards of the ship.

Momentarily, Robin glances behind her to make out a tall, lean figure with long legs striding towards her.

It looks up and notices the historian.

"Oh~! Robin-chwan! What are you doing he—?!" A blonde cook was abruptly stopped by several hands covering his gaping mouth. It refused to yield until Sanji stopped struggling and started to choke.

_'Shh..' _The historian holds the index finger of her right hand to her lips, gesturing for the cook to hush with a wink.

As Sanji starts to hyperventilate from the rare affection shown by the archaeologist, he pauses to look over Robin's shoulder.

Luffy had his back towards him, hunched over something that Sanji couldn't see.

"Oh, it's just Luffy." Sanji murmured. He isn't really amused. Sanji telepathically sends a look of question to Robin and reaches into his pocket for a cigarette.

**"You're very beautiful.. I can't wait to be inside you..?"**

Sanji has a mild expression of confusion, he drops the cigarette he was about to light.

"The bloody fuck?" Sanji's hushed tone is calm and packed with—well—_more_ confusion. _[Does that make sense?]_

Several more vibrations of rushed pacing reveal themselves.

It's Franky, Brook, Nami and Usopp.

Quickly, Brook stammers. "Ah, Sanji-san, Robin-san. Do you know where Luffy-san has gone? He's nowhere to be found."

"O-oh, Brook, he's just over—" Sanji points a thumb behind him, a tint red blush on his cheek was shown before he uses his left hand to cover the lower part of his face.

"Ahhh! I can't believe that idiot! Who knows where he's gone now.. Not in the kitchen, the dorms, or at the head! Dammit, Luffy!" Nami interrupted harshly, although the latter knew she was just worried.

"But, he's right there, isn't he?" Usopp shoved a nod in Sanji's direction. Nami pauses her rambling, whisks her sight towards the blond, and gives a sigh of relief before shifting into her devil mode.

"That moron, he's going to have to pay double his debt for worrying me so much!"

"But, if only you'd not cut off Sanji-bro, you'd—" Franky was delayed of his speech.**  
**

"**You're so deliciously wet. God, I want you..." **Luffy murmurs, surprising his suspecting friends spying from behind a tangerine tree.

...

What the _fuck_?

They processed what has just been said.

"U-um.. I must've heard wrong," Usopp give a light chortle before realizing the disturbed look on Sanji's, Nami's and Franky's faces. Only Brook has an unreadable expression, and Robin has a satisfied smile. "..Nope?"

"Did Luffy just—I mean... Is he being perverted?" Nami crosses her arms with a trying poker face that couldn't hide her reddening cheeks.

"Uh.. No. He's not like that. He doesn't have a sex drive, see." Franky scratches his chin.

"Well.. Certainly that must not be Luffy speaking then." Brook suggests, both of his bony hands on his cane.

Sanji whispers, cheeks still lightly flushed. "Look, the shitty Marimo's approaching him." The others turn their head back to the situation.

A green haired swordsman, hands fallen onto the hilt of his swords, casually—but silently— walks over to the arched captain.

"Ah, Zoro!" They can hear the elastic captain call out. "What're you doing, Luffy?" Zoro leans over to look at what he's hunched over. The spying crew mates lean forward as far as they can to discover what Luffy was interacting with.

"Oh, look at this, Robin gave this to me! It's pretty cool but I can't understand what—Heeey! Zoro! I was reading that!" Luffy suddenly springs up to try and catch a book Zoro had snatched.

".. A book?" Usopp asked to no one in particular. 5 pairs of eyes turn to an amused looking archaeologist with questioning eyes.

**_Splash!_**

All watching eyes turned back to the scene, where Luffy was glumly scanned the ocean waves below, leaning over the railing.

"Ah! Zoro! Why'd you throw that away? Robin gave that t'me!" Luffy pouted and glared at his first mate.

"Shut up! You're too young for that! Read that crap when you're older!" Zoro answered harshly, muttering something as he turned his back and climbed back up the ladder.

They could make out a—_"That stupid archaeologist, I swear I'll kill her someday.."_

Usopp, Franky, Brook, Nami and Sanji could only shiver at their smart historian's widened smirk, and watched her back as she excused herself to the bathroom.

"I think Zoro just saved Luffy." Nami fell on her legs in a heap.

A chorus of_ 'yeah's_ were welcomed.

"Huh? What's goin' on?" A blue nosed reindeer revealed himself, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Oh, Chopper. It's nothing. You should go back to your nap." Nami insisted before picking up the small animal and cradled it in her arms, relieved that the innocent doctor didn't witness a thing.


	2. random wtf chapter

_It's been a week._

Sanji takes another cigarette out of the pack. The tension makes him sweat uncontrollably under his clothes.

_Everyone's cautious not to make sure the incident doesn't happen again._

He takes a quick glance to his left. Every Straw Hat member excluding their captain's sitting around the table. Sanji never thought that the table they use to eat on and share jolly jokes would be ever used for interrogation.

_The moss head. _

Zoro's quiet. Well, so is everyone, but he's doing the same thing as Sanj, trying to study the others, daring them to make a first move.

Sanji then swiftly looks at his righ— "I THINK WE SHOULD START BY GETTING RID OF SANJI'S MAGAZINES!" **_Fuck._**

"Chopper! You little—" Sanji growls, and stands up immediately. But he stops to send another glare at the swordsman who's snickering.

Nami turns red, and then turns to the trembling brave blue-nosed reindeer. "How did you even find them?" The doctor sniffles.

"I was looking around Sanji's room to see if I could find any herbs to use since there were none in the kitchen," He stops and looks over at the blonde cook who's trying to kick Zoro's face.

"And then I saw some rolled up tissue on the floor and there were some indecent magazines next to them." Sanji stops mid-second from bashing the green headed swordsman's face in, and then turns pale after hearing the reindeer's comment.

Nami freezes for a few seconds before clenching her fists so tightly they turn into a dark shade of red, and turns to punch a shocked Sanji with an expression of disgust.

"SO IT WAS YOU!" The cook flies to the wooden wall, and creates a dent that will stay forever on those walls. Franky sighs, "Chill, Nami-sis."

"What?!" "We all got 'em anyways, you know, the porno magazi—" Boldly veined fist meets a face. Thud. "Ouch."

A cedar door slams open to reveal a well-built skinny teenager with raven hair and an infamous straw hat on his head.

"Hey, what's going on? Are ya guys fightin'?" Luffy walks in casually, cocking a head to one side. Before Nami can make an excuse, Robin interrupts.

"We were discussing about you being involved with erotic matters.." "Robin!" Nami protests.

Ever since Robin had shared her erotic books to Luffy, they've been uneasy about the situation. They weren't Luffy's mother or anything, but to make sure their captain was still pure and innocent was their job. And no measly perverted book was going to change that.

"Oh really? That weird eery-tick thing ya showed me before? What about it?" The atmosphere turns cold.

"W-well.. It's just.. I mean, you know, that stuff, you're 19 now, right? You should know.. About.."

Luffy then slams his hand down in the palm of the other, as if he'd just found out what they were talking about.

"Oh! You mean sex."


End file.
